There is something really hard to be taught, and maybe that's why it's so rare. The behaviour elegance. I think it's a gift that goes far beyond of knowing how to use the utensils properly or saying thank you after a kindness. That comes with us and it is manifested in the most prosaic situations during regular days, when nobody is watching... It can be detected in people that point quite more compliments than faults, in people that listen more than talk and when they talk, they don't say a piece of gossip.
We can see also in the people that don't use a superior voice to talk to someone that works in the market or the gas station or people that avoid embarrasing subjects because don't feel any pleasure in someone else's suffering. We can see by punctual people that value everyone's time. Also people that show interest for subjects that don't know about, give gifts with no reason and keep their word.
Giving flowers is elegant, opening the door, giving a seat, making something for someone and never let them know how hard it was to accomplish. Not to talk just about money or something that you love. Giving back is elegant, and the silence sometimes is very elegant facing rejection.
Smiling is so elegant! Makes everyone better.
There is not such a book which teaches how to live generously and not arrogantly.
Also things like to offer help, look in the eyes when talking. Everyone deserves your elegance, even the closest friends, they will appreciate it more than everyone else.
Good manners will get lost after certain time with no using, and a detail: It is definetely not trifle.
